How to Build Long Lasting Friendships?
Recently, I was listening to a podcast with Steven Bartlett and Simon Sinek (highly recommend listening to).
The conversation was about how to make good friends and more importantly, how to be a good friend. The question we always ask ourselves is how do we find the right friends but Simon points out that we need to take a better look within ourselves and determine how good of a friend we actually are. At the end of the day, we’re all seeking the same type of fulfilment from relationships and friendships — love, support, company, warmth, and lifelong experiences. So how do we maintain friendships that bring us those things? How do we ensure that when we’ve found good friends, we don’t lose them?
We seek friendships to inspire us, motivate us, and keep us strong and healthy. We thrive off of the relationships we have. Blue Zone experts say that having 3-5 good friends add 7 years to our life expectancy! That is a mere example of how important good friends are in our lives. The reality is that we cannot do life without good friendships and relationships. We need communities, we need each other, to truly thrive and do well.
When we have better relationships, we’re less likely to become addicted because when we’re lonely we tend to have more addiction. This is one of the leading factors of death in today’s world. And we find ourselves overusing and underperforming.
We must change the trajectory of our future by establishing better boundaries with ourselves, those we love, and redefine what it means to have a good friendship. This means that we should have intentionality around friendships. For example, theres a work event that is planned last minute. The work event is planned for the same evening that you had dinner plans with a friend. Instead of telling work that you can’t make it and you already have dinner plans with a friend, you tell your friend that you can’t make it anymore. The idea is that since it’s your friend, they will understand. But we shouldn’t lead with “yeah he/she is my friend so they will understand”. This tells our friends that they’re not a priority.
This is a clear example of how we subconsciously or even consciously push our friends away. We have to be better about making good at making friends and keeping them! When we don’t show the same commitment to our friendships, we causes imbalance, unaccountability, and low morale. Why though?
The answer is simple. People are looking for safety and a community. They are seeking belief, hope, support, and love through connections. So when we expect our friends to always make amends for our own needs, we actually damage the connections.
This leads me to end with how remote work has changed our friendships for the worse. Since we started remote working, we have become mentally unfit and lack social skills. Its like when you’re working from home all day, you have less energy to go out and meet a friend or to go in office on the days that you should. You become isolated.
The takeaway here is simple: find good friends through similarities, interests, and beliefs. Keep them by prioritizing, valuing, and recognizing them. Don’t lose them.
Let me know what you think in the comments! Or find me @ourgiftedglow on TikTok 🙂
Happy friending. and hope you’re welcoming in the Fall!
